Bacon in Iowa is not kosher....
Good thing Rima and I are use to driving in crappy weather and not ideal driving conditions being from the east coast. Leaving the Denver area Sunday morning was not a picnic. We left later than planned which was tots okay in my book, since driving in the dark, in snow, and in ice were already giving me anxiety. Normally I would be fine, but I was in charge of a very precious package....Rima. I barely slept that night due to anxiety of possible road closures and the whole build up of what was to come at MNU. If I'm being honest I haven't really slept well for the last month and a half, I'm lucky to sleep 3 full hours in a row. I'm hoping after this evaluation I may sleep a little better? If not then Ambien here I come!
We left at 7am. We knew the first 2-3 hours of driving would be slower due to road conditions. Once we got about 2 hours away from Denver the roads cleared way for....you guessed it...rain! Snow to rain, no not just rain, at times torrential downpours. What next...a tornado? I'm terrified of them! The first half of the drive was about 6-7 hours in wet weather. Once we reached Iowa it cleared up. Smooth sailing we thought!
Think.....again! Okay, for those of you who have not driven through Iowa. May I please drop some knowledge on you? Don't and I mean don't speed, at least not 5+ over on the highways. Cops are everywhere or at least they were on this sunny Sunday afternoon.
I was jamming out to Tupac, my all time favorite rapper. He's amazing! There is no disagreeing with this, since it's a fact. We hit the top of a hill and I was cruising down and seat dancing. Then I saw it, in the median. A cop car. I knew he caught me. I thought "oh 8 over not bad". But, he took off and followed me for a bit until, flashing lights. I pulled over *merrrrrr*. A bald cop walked over and asked for my license, registration and insurance. This was Rima's car so she was trying to locate two of the requests while I was trying to play it cool. " Ah sorry sir, I believe I was going eight over, soooo sorry!" I had on one of those *oppssss* guilty smiles.
Rima could not find the insurance paper work. The cop asked me to step out of the car and to go to his and sit in the passenger seat. "Wait...wait, what, did you say?" He repeated himself and walked to his car. Rima and I stared at each other. Never and I mean NEVER had either of us heard of cops pulling anyone over and having the person go into their car. "This is how I die" shot through my head. This can't be legal, omg he's going to try some shit with me! I told Rima to watch me super carefully and to call 911 if needed. I got out and walked to his car opened the passenger door and sat 1/2 way in. "Miss, please shut the door." I just looked at him and my jaw opened and I stared to look around his car. Did anything look fake. Was anything out of place. Were there scratch marks on the seats or dash. "You look nervous, Miss, why?" Ahhhhh.....is he kidding me?
I replied "Yes, because I've never heard of a cop having a person go into their car to write a ticket. I don't think this is legal....?!" He kind of laughed and said that's how Iowa police do it. Riiiighttt, so you have 90 year old women walk on the side of the highway and sit in your car to write them a ticket or a warning. I'm not buying this bullshit! The door was still open. "Miss, you have to shut the door or else the computer won't work and I wont be able to write you your warnings." (Warnings, seriously, plural?!) I had him point out where the cameras were in the car and his official number. Then I shut the door. He then tried to small talk with me while I was going through every self-defense move I had ever seen on TV.
We got to the point where he asked what we were doing in Iowa. "Oh you know just looking to get pulled over..." Nope, he did not laugh. I told him about going to MNU for the transplant. You guys, listen to this. This cop, had no idea that a transplant was a thing nor that it was possible till a girl in colorful leggings and a Tupac shirt on the side on I-80 told him. He was at least 45 years old. You have got to be shitting me. He acted as if I had just told him Tupac was alive or something or in his case Santa, he probably has no idea who Tupac is.
He wrote me three warnings! One for going 9 over, (fine, fair). One for not having the proper insurance papers (Blah). The third was for having tinted windows (now he's being a total A**h***). They are illegal in Iowa but they are legal in other states, like Colorado. "Ahhh sir, I don't think you can write me a warning for something that is legal in the state the car is from and if we are just passing through your state, otherwise do you just expect people to avoid driving through states that don't allow it?" He looked at me raised an almost bald eyebrow and told me that they can give warnings, just not tickets. This is so dumb, what's the point.?!
I got out safe and sound, but mentally I felt like someone had played a prank on me. We drove off and did not speed the rest of the state. We got into Minnesota and the most I drove over the speed limit was 5. This "intelligent" cop put us back at least 40 minutes, with the pull over and us not being able to speed again. (harumph). Thank you sir, you really have reinstated my trust in your kind. I now have an aversion toward bald cops who don't know what transplants are.
We got to Minneapolis around 10pm. Unloaded the car and got settled into our airbnb. We set our alarms for 6am. As I lay in bed trying to fall asleep I could not shake the events of the day. Yes, what happened would be a great blog post and no I didn't actually get a ticket. But, there was a person in a government branch that had been living under a rock about something that I feel is not an unknown medical procedure. Yes, it may not be that common to know someone who has had one or is getting one, but not knowing about it existing at all was troublesome. I'd like to find this man and give him a nuggy on his bald head and not a nice one, but one that he would not forget. Like having to sit in a cop car on the side on I-80. Upset that he interrupted my Tupac jam session. Wanting to go back back, to Denver Denver....